You ever feel like sadness grows and is better? The melancholy of silence trumps noise and temporary happiness.
Once you get used to it –
you are no longer forced into loneliness. Now it’s just what’s normal, and as much as I am afraid of routine, the familiarity of just myself is safer than the unknown disturbing my homeostasis in lonesomeness.
After a while, what most think of as fun or entertaining has no appeal. Falling in love seems arduous and frighteningly boring. Thinking ten years ahead into the future is no longer a riveting mental rollercoaster, but is now more a haunted house of realized, flawed, fantasies.
The transition from night to dawn to morning brings with it sobering thoughts of how deep scars run. Nothing Jack didn’t break, nothing Daniels can’t fix.
Broken homes and broken trust and broken dreams and crushed starts. Love is not what kills, oh no no, rather attachment. Love, so long as you love from afar.